Happy, Peaceful Introvert

As an introvert, I was thinking the other day about just how different we all are and how we all live different lives, have different abilities and strengths as individuals. God has made us truly unique and different for a reason; it is what us allows us all to live together and function as a semi-cohesive unit.

I have spent a lot of time on trying to change who I am, but the fact of the matter is, at the core I am me, and it is what makes me unique, and what my husband calls, “special”.

(I am assuming that he means that in the most loving way… LOL!)

One of the things that makes me who I am is that I tend to be very introverted. As opposed to my husband, who gains his energy from being in large groups and interacting with people, I prefer quietness and inward self-reflection to recharge and gain energy back. I definitely prefer what I call my “Alissa Time” in order to stay calm, energized and sane. I truly believe that there is nothing wrong with this preference or with me. I recognize it and am able to accommodate for it appropriately, which I view as retrospective progress and growth as an individual.

Now, don’t misunderstand me, at work I love the interactions with my patients, I love to love on people, making them feel well taken care of and special, that is my true passion and calling. However, as my husband knows, at the end of a 10+ hour day of that constant interaction for me, I am spent and exhausted both mentally and physically and need my space and down time in order to decompress and recharge.

We have a great relationship to where he knows, that when I come home, he greets me, makes sure I am ok, and then allows me to have my own space and time in order to for me to be in my own head for a while, as I decompress from the days events.

Often times I would get upset or down about this side of me, always wondering what is wrong with me, but the fact is there is nothing wrong with this attribute in a person. It is how humans are created differently, if we were all introverts or all extroverts, that would be one boring world to live in!

Over the years I have given myself permission to be ok with just reading a book, spending time alone, writing a blog  or cleaning the house, not worrying what others will think or if I am letting someone down because of my actions. I have allowed myself to not feel guilty or the pressure from saying “no” to what others might find fun at times, when I am feeling drained or exhausted. I have accepted that nothing is wrong with being an introvert​: I am me... and I have no problem with being me!

Others may form opinions and that is ok, I am who I am and they can love that about me or reject it; it is ok that not everyone will love this attribute, but I am ok with doing me!

Sure, I engage in things that push my comfort zone, things that are fun, yet in the end, drain my energy, but over time I have been able to find a balance. 

Another thing that I have noticed is how extroverts will and can talk over me and not allow me to get a word in edgewise. They often render us introverts mute, appearing as though we have nothing to say on the matter, when in our head space, we have a lot to offer and input on many situations. This has always been a point that has been extremely frustrating for me, and at times and something that I have to constantly work on (especially with my loving extrovert husband).

I find myself often times competing for who can talk the loudest in a conversation and more times than not I lose, being drowned out of any idea or thought that I might have to offer! I used to remain quiet at this point feeling down and defeated, as though my thoughts and feelings will never be heard. Then, I got smart and decided that something needed to change. I allowed myself to interrupt when appropriate or with extreme talkers, I have learned to kindly disengage and walk away, before far too much energy is drained.

Last thought on the subject:  often times people view us as too intense, too solitary, stuck up and more times than not, not fun enough. However, I have learned to reframe this perception that others have of me differently and accept it. It is all in perspective and how we view the situation. People’s perception of me does not define me or validate me.  What defines fun is subject to an individual definition. What you find fun, others may find ultimately boring, and I am ok with that!

I am me, and I will continue to do and be me.

The deep thinking and solitude of an introvert gives us extreme insight to the situations, the world and those around us. It allows us to look outside ourselves, to see other people, other people’s wants, needs, and desires. It has allowed to me to always think about what others may need or want, what others are going through, what encouraging words others may need at any given time. 

It has allowed me to love more, become compassionate to others and serve with enhanced creativity. It is how I was designed, wired and created.  

Being introverted has allowed me to be me, and I am ok with that!